A World of Darkness
by STech
Summary: Athrun is left blind after being injured in battle. Cagalli has disappeared and he doesn't understand why. Is his life about to take a turn for the worst?
1. Chapter 1: Distraction

**A/N: This story takes place sometime towards the end of Gundam Seed, after Patrick Zala is killed, but not necessarily when the fighting ends. I suppose that mixes up the timeline a bit, but it is not AU. The timeline may become more specific later on. **

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"All pilots please board your machines!" The captain's voice rang through the halls of the ship as though she were present in each and every corridor.

"Already?" Athrun groaned, and threw his fork back atop his untouched meal. He had only just changed out of his pilot suit.

"It can't be helped," Kira said indifferently. He had become used to having to drop whatever he was doing to run off and fight, it was no more than an everyday chore in the middle of the to do list.

Kira turned and exited the cafeteria, heading for the mobile suit hangar, and a frustrated Athrun followed suit.

"Kira!" Lacus called from down the hall. "Can I have a minute?"

Kira allowed himself to be pulled aside and behind closed doors.

Athrun grunted to himself, but quickly heard his own name called. He looked up to see Cagalli coming towards him. This was odd; she never came to see him off. She felt that if she did, it was as though she might be saying goodbye forever. Athrun never did understand this mentality, but he went along with it anyway.

"Hey, what's up?" He asked as positively as he could.

"Well, um, I just wanted to come see you off." She said, looking away from his face.

"Oh, well thanks," he replied, a little confused, "but I'll be right back." He turned to leave.

"Wait!" She called loudly. "Athrun, I just want you to know that, well – you've really changed my life. After my father died I felt as though I had nothing. And well – I – I love you."

Athrun wasn't quite sure what he had just heard. Did that actually just come out of her mouth? He wished he could hit rewind and hear it again, just to make sure he had heard correctly. No, her expression said it all.

"Cagalli I – " He stared deeply into her bright amber eyes. God she had beautiful eyes.

"Don't say it unless you actually mean it," she interrupted, as though reading his mind. He wasn't sure he really did love her. He thought he did, but on the other hand, he really had no idea what the word meant.

"You've changed my life too Cagalli. And you've been there for me in a way that no one else ever could have been. You've kept me going so many times. I don't know where I'd be without you. I don't exactly know how else to put my feelings into words, and I don't really know what the meaning of love is, but I know I care about you. I've never felt this sort of bond with another person before. And for now, I hope that's enough. Now I'm gonna go out there, and I'll come back to you as soon as I can." He completely pulled that out of nowhere. As he moved away from her, he wondered how on earth he had come up with that. But from what he got from her, it seemed like enough. It was obviously better than just saying I love you back because she had said it first.

"Athrun?" A voice called from behind him. Athrun immediately recognized it as Kira. He turned quickly, still a little lost in his thoughts. "Are you ok?" Kira asked.

"What? Yeah. Sorry, just thinking."

"Well you'll have time to think later, we have to get going."

Athrun nodded and followed Kira toward the hangar. He remained in a sort of trance as he boarded his machine. He couldn't help but wonder if he'd come up with the right response. What if when he came back on board Cagalli wanted nothing to do with him?

"Pilots, prepare for launch," the voice sounded over the intercom. "X10A Freedom, please launch."

What if he'd upset Cagalli with his answer? He had always been told that girls never meant what they said, or they expected something other than what they'd asked for. Had she expected him to easily respond with a meaningful and genuine I love you?

"Kira Yamato, Freedom, let's do it!" Kira cried as his machine was catapulted into the air.

"X09A Justice, please launch,"

"What?" Athrun said aloud from inside his machine. "Right, Athrun Zala, Justice, Launching," he said in a less than enthusiastic tone as he pressed his foot down on the pedal. He felt a gut wrenching jolt and nearly sustained whip lash as he too, was launched into space.

"Pilots, we have detected two Nazca Class ships, and so far seven individual mobile suits and mobile armors have been located. It is vital that we break through this fleet in order to reach the earth's surface."

"Roger that," Kira said.

"Right," Athrun replied, having barely heard what the captain had said.

"Athrun! Heads up!" Kira yelled. Athrun glanced at his monitor, seeing a mobile armor quickly approaching from his left. Immediately his combat sense kicked in, and before he knew what he was doing, he swung around and retrieving his double sided beam saber with a lightning pace, he quickly thrust backward to dodge the enemy whilst swinging full forced down on top of the machine, cleaving it clean in half.

"Nicely done, but watch yourself, hey?" Kira said, just as he jetted off to engage two more oncoming enemies.

"Right," Athrun replied, making a mental note to keep an eye on his monitor. But then Cagalli reentered his mind. What was she feeling right now? Was she ok with his answer? Was she angry? Upset?

Athrun absent mindedly dodged a set of enemy bullets headed straight for him, and pulled out his own beam rifle to fire back. He easily hit two out of the three machines firing at him from a distance, and one exploded on impact.

The newly launched machines from the two enemy vessels quickly closed in around them, and Athrun continued to fight half heartedly. He couldn't get Cagalli off his mind. He was so sure now that he had come up with the wrong answer. _Relax_ he told himself. He had been certain at the time that she had seemed satisfied.

"ATHRUN LOOK OUT!" Kira screamed.

But it was too late. Several shots had been fired at him from less than 200 meters away. There was nothing he could do. He made a last ditch attempt to grasp his shield and pull in front of his cockpit, but had only made it half way when the cockpit erupted in front of him. The screen exploded in his face, and then everything went black. The last thing he heard was a voice calling his name.

"ATHRUN!" Kira screamed. He watched in horror as the Justice's cockpit imploded from the middle of its body. "NOOOOOOO" He felt his intensity build, and there was nothing but protecting what might be left of his friend. He locked in on the five enemy units within a 1000 meter radius and fired, clearing the area of all life other than the battered, silent, red machine. Once he was certain that he had a second to spare, he slammed his foot into the pedal and jetted towards Athrun's machine.

"Athrun! Can you hear me! Come in!" Kira yelled, but to no avail. He could hear Lacus and the captain calling him as well, but no one got any sort of response.

"I'm bringing his machine aboard," Kira said firmly, grabbing the lifeless machine and putting all of his thrust forth to boost him towards the ship.

"Understood," the captain replied, "Commander Waltfeld, please cover him."

"You got it," The Desert Tiger replied, moving ahead of Kira only slightly, and firing off a number of rounds in order to keep the enemy at a safe distance. Kira had done a well enough job before hand in clearing the area.

His mission was simple; get Athrun's machine safely to the ship, then get back out there and ensure the machine and the rest of the ship remained safe. Although there was chaos all around him, his world was silent. There was no sound emitting from the lifeless machine in his grasp.

_Faster_ he told himself. The quicker he reached the ship, the faster his friend could receive medical attention.

Finally, he reached the ship's hatch, and a ground machine was there to meet him. He carefully handed off the machine, and turned around to boost back into battle. The sooner he got through this, the sooner he could ensure his friend was alright.

Then there was nothing else. Nothing but the battle before his eyes. It was as though his mind no longer had any dimension, and the only thing contained in his brain was right here, right now.

Kira's eye piece descended from above, and he targeted four oncoming machines. At the push of a button, intense jets of light erupted from him machine, and the targets were silenced.

Slamming his foot into the pedal, he launched forward, eliminating a machine to his immediate right with his beam saber, and one to his left with his beam rifle. It was like playing a video game. Knock out everything in sight; nothing else mattered. As he continued to boost forward, he counted seven more enemy machines. Commander Waltfeld was engaging two of them, and the other five were headed towards him. Quickly making up his mind to go for the remaining five, he fire shots to the right and left of them in attempt to group them closer together. Once he had accomplished that, he thrust forward full force.

Within fifteen seconds the field was silent. Commander Waltfeld had easily taken out the last two opponents, and the two returned to the ship without a word. The tension was mutual. A common questioned lingered above both their heads: is Athrun alive?

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**A/N**

**So anyone who has read any of my other stories will realize that this is unusually short for me, but I'm hoping to get the next chapter up preferable today, but if not then in the next couple of days. This felt like a good ending point for the first chapter. I just wanted to get this part posted and "written in stone" before I changed my mind again, so if there are any mistakes, thats because it may have been slightly rushed. I promise to put aside more time for editing in future chapters. **

**This story just sort of popped into my head the other day, and I went with it. I have a couple more chapters planned, but I don't know how big of a project this will become. Let me know what you think! The more you guys like it, the more effort I'll put into it. So leave me a review please! And of course, if you have any plot suggestions, I would love your input!**

**Thanks for reading :)**


	2. Chapter 2: Alone in the Dark

It had been approximately seven hours since the battle had ended. They had descended to earth, and Athrun had been taken to the nearest Orb hospital. It wasn't long before they received news.

Kira, Lacus and Cagalli had crowded around Athrun's bed the minute they were allowed to see him. The doctor had followed them into the room where he lay sleeping, and read his diagnosis off of a clipboard as though he were assigning them homework.

"His injuries are relatively minor when considering the explosion his cockpit sustained. He escaped with a broken arm and a few broken ribs. However, the visor on his helmet was cracked, and the explosion did make it through to his eyes. We don't know if the damage will be permanent, but for the time being, he has lost his sight completely."

Kira, Lacus and Cagalli stared down at their injured friend. He lay flat on his back, the white linen sheets pulled up to his chest. His right arm lay in a cast at his side, and his eyes were swathed with bandages. Small bandages littered his body, labeling cuts and burns.

"He has not woken up yet, but I expect he should do so soon. If you would like, you may leave and I can have a nurse remain with him until he wakes up, that way you won't have to be the bearers of bad news," the doctor finally looked up from his clipboard.

Kira and Lacus glanced at each other, but Cagalli didn't take her eyes off his face.

"So you mean he's blind?" She asked stubbornly.

"That is the general consensus, yes," the doctor replied, slightly dumbfounded by her question that he felt he had explained so clearly.

"I'll tell him," Kira said.

"I think the nurse should tell him," Cagalli said. She didn't seem like herself. Her voice sounded nervous. She was clearly scared and shaken by what had happened.

"No, he needs to hear it from his friends," Kira said firmly.

"Alright then, I leave it to you, young man," the doctor said. "He shouldn't be in any pain when he wakes up, but once he does, and you feel ready, please contact a nurse to let us know he has woken up."

"We understand," Lacus said. "Thank you."

The doctor exited the room, and Kira and Lacus shook his hand as he did so. Cagalli however, still could not take her eyes of Athrun.

"I don't understand, how could he be –" Cagalli began.

"It's ok Cagalli, he's ok. That's what matters, right?" Lacus said, putting her arm around Cagalli.

"None of us are invincible. We're lucky that he's alive," Kira said confidently.

Cagalli didn't respond, she just continued to stare at him as though he were some sort of injured animal she was feeling extremely sorry for.

They could hear the doctor talking to the Captain Ramius and the rest of the crew who had come to the hospital in the waiting room.

Finally Cagalli pried her eyes away from Athrun and stood, "I need some air," she said flatly. And she pushed Lacus's arm off of her and turned to leave.

"I'll go with –" Lacus began

"No." Cagalli left the room.

Lacus sobbed and began to cry.

"It's ok, Lacus," Kira said, pulling her into his arms. "Cagalli is just in shock. She'll come around, you'll see."

"But Athrun – "

"He'll be fine. He's alive. His injuries will heal, and he'll adjust. The doctor said it might not be permanent either. Have faith in him."

Lacus pulled away and wiped her eyes. "You're right. But how do we tell him?"

"Don't worry about it. I'll do it. We just need to keep an eye on him, make sure we notice as soon as he wakes up. We don't want him to panic." Kira said calmly.

"Do you think Cagalli is ok? Should I go after her?" Lacus asked.

"No, just give her some space. She'll be back." Kira was certain that his sister would come around. She just needed some time.

And Kira was right. Well, partially right. Cagalli returned, but not quite in the manner that they had expected.

"I'm leaving," Cagalli said in a rough tone, picking up her bag and putting her water bottle inside.

"What? Where are you going?" Kira asked.

"I'm going to the councilman's office. I have a lot of work to do." She spoke without looking at either of them.

Something wasn't right. Both Kira and Lacus could feel it.

"Cagalli, Athrun's going to wake up any time! He needs you!" Kira insisted, grabbing Cagalli's arm.

"He'll be fine with you two. I'll come back in the next day or two." She said, pulling away from Kira.

"What? The next day or two? Cagalli you can't just leave like this. Your work can wait. This is your boyfriend you're leaving behind!"

"He's not my boyfriend!" She said loudly.

"What?" Kira questioned.

"I said, he's not my boyfriend. We were never more than friends."

"What's gotten into you?" Kira was half yelling. "Even if that was true, even if all you are is friends, I would still expect you to be here for him. You mean everything to him!"

"Cagalli, you told him you loved him," Lacus said, completely awe struck, staring wide eyed from the corner of the room. She was frozen with shock. "You said you loved him right before he left."

"What?" Kira said.

"Kira, be quiet. We don't want to wake him," Lacus said.

"Sorry. You said you loved him? And now you're denying that he's your boyfriend? You're going to leave, just like that because he's injured?"

Cagalli now had tears in her eyes, as did Lacus.

"I am the chief representative of Orb, I don't have time to babysit the disabled."

Lacus's jaw dropped to the ground.

Kira resisted the urge not to scream. He took a deep breath. "Cagalli, you might be my sister, but Athrun has been my best friend since we were children. If you walk out on him like this, I don't know if I could ever look at you the same again."

"I'm sorry," she said, and without looking at either of them, she left.

Kira stared at the door, beyond shocked.

Lacus too stared in awe, but quickly walked over to Kira. She glanced down at Athrun to ensure he was still asleep, then put her arms around Kira.

"I can't believe her," he said, not returning the hug. He didn't move, he didn't shift, he just started at the door.

Lacus said nothing; she simply continued to hold him, feeling just as shocked as he did.

Finally, Kira sunk down into his chair, his eyes returning to his best friend's unconscious body. "She said she loved him?" He asked, not averting his gaze.

"Yeah, just before he took off. She said he didn't say it back, but that was ok because she didn't want him to say it prematurely," Lacus replied.

"No wonder he was taken down. He seemed so off, I knew something was wrong." Kira said.

"What do you mean?"

"He wasn't focused, like something was on his mind," Kira said, finally looking up at Lacus. "What a stupid move on her part, telling him that right before he launched."

"I don't think you can blame her for this. True, it might have messed up his mind, and true, her timing could have been better, but think about it from her perspective. It's weird because she always preached against this, but she came to the conclusion that she loves him, and he's going out there to fight, what if he doesn't come back? I mean, he really almost didn't come back this time…"

"Yeah, only because she said that to him though," Kira countered stubbornly.

"Kira, you can't blame Cagalli for what happened to Athrun," Lacus said calmly.

"I know. I'm just angry with her right now."

"She'll come around, right? You said it before." Lacus said persuasively.

"I don't think this can be forgiven though."

"She's shocked and confused; let's just let it play out, ok? We'll do our best with comforting Athrun for now."

"You're right." Kira said, glancing up at her.

She moved to sit down in the chair beside him.

"So what do we say to him?" Lacus asked.

"Well, now I'm not so sure…" Kira trailed off. Cagalli had completely ruined Kira's plan to break the news to him easily.

But it was too late to come up with new questions. Both their heads turned as Athrun stirred.

"Athrun, can you hear me?" Kira said quietly into his ear.

Athrun moaned quietly and lifted his left hand to his face. Lacus acted quickly and took his hand in hers, gently guiding his fingers to touch the bandages over his eye so he could understand why he couldn't open his eyes. She looked in Kira's direction questioningly, and he nodded for her to continue.

"Athrun, it's me, Lacus, can you hear me?" She said soothingly.

He moaned again. It wasn't a pained moan; it was more of a moan that you make when you just wake up from a deep sleep.

"Your eyes were injured in an accident, that's why you can't see," she said, putting his hand gently to the bandages again. "Do you understand?"

Another moan. He seemed to get it, at least for now.

He tried to move to sit up, but was apparently greeted by a jolt of pain in his ribs. He winced and lay back down.

"Athrun, you were injured. Try not to move. You're in a hospital in Orb. Lacus and I are here with you," Kira said, trying to explain what he would be seeing right now if he could.

"Cahgahrei," he said under his breath. They both realized what he was trying to say.

Lacus took a sharp intake of air and glanced nervously at Kira. He put his index finger to his lips, and looked back to Athrun.

"Cagalli has just gone out for a little while, she'll be back to see you soon," Kira lied.

"I need – to tell her – something," he said with some difficulty. His breathing grew heavy.

Lacus held her breath. She knew what was coming.

"I need – to tell her – I – Love"

"Not right now," Kira cut him off. "You can tell her after. You need to rest right now."

But he didn't need to tell him, he had passed out again. His breathing had returned to normal.

Lacus was in tears. It broke her hear to know that he wanted to return those words to her, not knowing that she had just stormed out saying she wanted nothing to do with him.

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**A/N: That has to be my fastest update ever!**

**Anyway, what did you think? As you've probably figured out, I'm not a huge Cagalli fan. But I'm not quite sure what will become of this whole situation. Any suggestions, please let me know! Please REVIEW! I need to know if I should continue with this!**


	3. Chapter 3: A New World

It was a good twenty four hours before Athrun stirred again. This time he panicked a little more. Kira and Lacus had fallen asleep in their chairs, as they had refused to leave the hospital with the rest of the crew to find a hotel. As tempting as fresh sheets and clean bathrooms sounded, they didn't think it right to leave Athrun alone. There had been no sign of Cagalli since she had taken off. Commander La Flaga had entered the room to see how Athrun was doing, and told them he had seen Cagalli making a public statement from the Orb national government.

Kira and Lacus awoke to the sound of Athrun moaning inaudible words, and they were unsure if he was actually awake or just having nightmares.

"Athrun, Athrun shhh it's ok," Lacus said, taking his flailing left hand in hers in a soothing manner.

"Lacus?" He questioned, turning his head in her direction.

"Yes, I'm right here," she said, rubbing his arm.

"Where am I? Why can't I see?" He asked, lifting his right hand to feel his eyes. He was quickly distracted from his lack of vision by the heavy sensation of the cast on his right arm. He ran his left hand over the familiar form of the fiberglass cast. Lacus knew he had broken his arm before. He turned his head in her direction questioningly. "What happened?"

She glanced nervously at Kira, who knelt down by his best friend's bed. "Athrun?"

"Kira?" He asked, turning his head towards him, "What's happening?"

"Relax; you're in an Orb hospital. You were shot down in the last battle."

Lacus watched as Kira's voice seemed to calm him down immediately.

"I remember. I was distracted. I couldn't block the oncoming shots. The cockpit exploded and I blacked out" He said. His voice droned off as his brained seemed to calculate what had happened. "My eyes…" He said slowly, "am I going to be able to see when the bandages come off?" He asked almost pleadingly.

Lacus looked toward Kira; she was awaiting his response as much as Athrun was.

"Probably not. But they're not sure if it will be permanent. They say it's too soon to tell." Kira said, breaking the news to him. "For now they're pretty badly damaged."

"I see," Athrun said quietly.

Lacus didn't need a clear view of his eyes to know that the news had crushed him. A pilot's eyes were everything. If his vision was indeed gone for good, his fighting days were over.

"That last battle, we got away alright?" Athrun asked, attempting to break the awkward silence.

She and Kira smiled at each other. He was still Athrun. He hadn't changed.

"Yes, Kira was brilliant after he fought off the machines attacking yours, he took you to the ship then had the field cleared within minutes." Lacus said, grinning at Kira.

"Nicely done," Athrun said in Kira's direction. He had picked up his right arm again and was examining it with his left hand. "Broken arm, broken ribs, anymore surprises?" He asked lightly.

"Um, no," Kira said, looking at Lacus. No more surprises when it came to injuries. He hadn't asked about…

As if on cue, "Where's Cagalli?"

Kira glanced at Lacus, but quickly answered so to not seem suspicious.

"She went to a hotel. It's late, you see. She wasn't feeling well."

Kira had clearly done his best, but it was easy to see that Athrun could tell something wasn't right.

Athrun simply nodded however, apparently not wishing to press the matter at the moment. Lacus wasn't sure how much more bad news he could handle today.

"I'm going to go tell the nurse that you're awake, Lacus can stay here with you. I should probably alert Captain Ramius as well. I'll be back soon," Kira said, patting Athrun's shoulder and leaving the room.

"Bye," Athrun said as the door closed. He heaved a deep sigh.

"So how long was I out?" He asked Lacus.

"Well it wasn't too long after the battle that we landed here, and you woke up briefly when we first entered your room. Do you remember?"

"No, did I say anything?"

"Um, no, not that I could tell," She lied. The truth was, he had asked for Cagalli, but Lacus was willing to lie to him right now to distract him from further pain.

"But after that you passed out for about twenty four hours. Kira and I have been here the whole time. The rest of the crew went to a hotel," she explained.

"And Cagalli?"

She mentally slapped herself. She completely forgot that Cagalli hadn't been here.

"She's been in and out. But like I said, she hasn't been feeling very well." Lacus could hear the lie in her own voice, but she'd hoped that Athrun couldn't. If he could, he chose to ignore it for now.

"When Kira brought in your machine, it was so badly damaged, we weren't sure if you were –" She sobbed, trying to keep herself quiet so he wouldn't hear. It still killed her to see him like this. She wanted to say that his injuries were so minor after what had happened, but losing his sight was a pretty high price to pay. She thought he probably would have traded a few more broken bones for his vision.

"Well, here I am," he said lightly, then realized she was crying. He reached his left hand toward her, and easily found her face. She gently tried to steer his hand away, but he found her eyes and gently brushed her tears away with his finger tips. "Don't worry, I'm fine. You can't get rid of me that easily."

She watched in amazement as he smiled. She envied his strength.

* * *

Meanwhile, Kira had gone to find a nurse, but stopped at the sight of a pay phone. Captain Ramius had left him a pocket full of quarter and instructed him to call them as soon as Athrun woke up. But a second thought hit him, and he picked up the phone and dialed the operator's number.

"Can you please transfer me to the Orb National Government? Thank you."

He waited as the phone rang. It was late, but he was sure she would be there.

"Orb government offices, how may I help you?"

"Can you please connect me with the chief representative, Cagalli Yula Atha?"

There was a pause, and then, "one moment, let me see if she's available."

Kira could hear the woman speaking in the background. "Ms. Atha, are you busy? Can you take a call?"

"No, I can take it," she said, her voice growing louder.

"Chief representative Atha speaking," she answered, sounding almost too proud to be calling herself that. It made Kira angry inside.

"Hi," He said simply, waiting to see what kind of response he would get from her.

"Kira, what do you want, I'm busy," she said in an irritated tone.

"Well, you just told your secretary you weren't. Your boyfriends awake, and you said you'd be back." She would have to be deaf to miss the insincerity in his voice.

"He's NOT my boyfriend. And why are you bothering me with this."

"Listen Cagalli. He woke up several hours ago asking for you, and now he's asking for you again," he said, raising his voice, "What you said before was ridiculous, but if you come back right now and be the supportive friend that you should be, we can work things out."

"Kira, stop bothering me. I'm done ok? That's my final answer. I'm sorry. Don't bother me again."

Kira heard a click and then a dial tone. He remained there for several seconds, the receiver remained pressed to his ear, and the look of shock across his face ceased to fade.

He couldn't believe it. He had had more faith in his sister than that. He knew her better than that. What had gotten into her? She would never simply abandon Athrun like this. She wouldn't stop talking about him when she first met him. When she found out Lacus would no longer be marrying him, she danced around like a child in a candy store (despite the fact that Athrun had just been shot by his father at the time). She had stood by him. She had been so supportive through the whole ordeal with his father. And now she just picked up and left. Why? Just because he was blind didn't make him a different person.

But in reality, it did. He could no longer be a soldier, or a heroic pilot like he once had been. His life was about to change drastically.

Is that what Cagalli was choked up over?

Kira wracked his brain for the real reason he'd left the room, then remembered his real purpose had been to alert the nurse as to his awakening.

_One step at a time,_ he told himself. Athrun could have his vision back the minute the bandages came off for all he knew. It was farfetched, but he had to remain optimistic.

* * *

"Hello Mr. Zala, I'm Nurse Casey. How are you feeling today?" The nurse asked as she followed Kira back into the room.

Athrun glanced nervously in Lacus's direction, then back towards the door. "I'm feeling alright," he said. Clearly he didn't like speaking to someone he couldn't see.

Seeing the discomfort on his face, Lacus took his hand in hers, and he seemed to relax his shoulders a little.

"Is this your girlfriend, Mr. Zala?" The nurse asked, setting a new IV bag up in the stand beside his bed.

"What? Oh no," Lacus answered quickly. She made to pull her hand away, but Athrun clenched it tightly. It was clear that he was afraid.

"My girlfriend is Cagalli, the blonde girl," Athrun said bravely.

"Oh, I see. I haven't seen her yet, I must have missed her somehow," she said.

Kira and Lacus glanced nervously at each other.

"Now Mr. Zala, I need to insert an IV needle into your left arm. You're going to feel a slight prick," she said. "Tell me when you're ready. And I'm going to need that arm of yours."

Lacus took hold of his fingers on his right hand, and squeezed gently but comfortingly, and put her hand on his shoulder. Athrun then anxiously moved his left arm towards the nurse. He looked terrified.

"Ok, don't worry it won't hurt, you're just going to feel a pinch."

It didn't seem to calm him down. For all he knew she could be cutting his arm off.

"Ok," Athrun said, instinctively turning his head away.

"One, two, three," the nurse said, putting the needle into his skin on two. "See, that wasn't so bad." She taped the needle in place.

Athrun reclaimed his hand from Lacus and felt the needle with his right hand. It was as though he was trying to get a feel for everything.

Lacus watched him curiously.

"May I have a word in private with you two," the nurse said to Kira and Lacus. "It will only take a couple of minutes."

"Is that ok, Athrun?" Lacus asked.

He looked as though he didn't want to be left alone. But he nodded.

"Kira, you go ahead. I'll stay here." Lacus suggested.

The nurse nodded.

The second Athrun heard the door close, the turned in Lacus's direction. "Thanks," he said.

"It's no problem, I understand." She replied, returning her hand to him. He took it gratefully.

"I'm sorry. I don't want to be alone." He said, this time without turning his head towards her.

"I understand, Athrun. You must be terrified. I'm not going anywhere, ok?"

"I've never liked the dark," He mumbled.

Lacus looked at him through sympathetic eyes. She wished there was something more she could do for him.

* * *

Out in the waiting room, the nurse was speaking with Kira.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, Mr. Zala has no living relatives?" The nurse asked, a clip board in hand.

"No, not that I know of," Kira said, realizing what this conversation was about to amount to.

"You do realize, that his life will be changed drastically if this disability is permanent?"

"Yeah," Kira said. He hadn't really thought about what would happen to Athrun upon his release from the hospital. He wasn't even sure what would become of himself. He wasn't sure if they'd be going back into space, or if they were finished fighting.

"Specially arrangements can be made if need be, to have him placed in a special home – "

"That won't be necessary," Kira interrupted. He wouldn't let that happen. "I'll personally see to it that he's taken care of." His words were confident.

"I understand your commitment to your friend, but are you certain that you can guarantee that? You're after all, only seventeen, yourself."

"I'm certain. I have parents here. We grew up together. If all else fails, they'll take him in," Kira said, wracking his mind for something to convince the nurse.

"Alright then. But give it some more thought, and we'll talk again later."

"I understand," Kira said. He was trying not to resent the nurse, as she was only doing her job. But he didn't like the idea of Athrun being shut up in a home for the disabled somewhere. Ideally, Cagalli would take care of him. But his faith in Cagalli was growing less and less every hour she didn't arrive.

"Oh, ma'am," Kira called to the nurse as she walked away.

"Hm?" She turned back.

"Is there a phone I could use to contact some of the crew? They asked me to call when he woke up."

"Of course," she said, leading him to a phone atop the counter at the nurse's station.

He dialed the number on the slip of paper Captain Ramius had left him.

"Oh, Hi Kira, how's everything going down there?" She answered.

"It's going. He's woken up, but he still pretty shaken up."

"Some of the crew would like to come down and see him, do you think that's alright?"

"I wouldn't allow too many visitors yet, he gets pretty nervous when people are in the room."

"I don't blame him. I'd be nervous too if my room were full of people I couldn't see."

"But um, perhaps someone could come pick up Lacus and take her to a department store somewhere? Maybe she could try to find some provisions that might make Athrun feel more comfortable. Even just some regular clothing."

"Of course. I would assume you all need some stuff. The rest of the crew went out to the mall yesterday. Perhaps Commander La Flaga and I will come by in the morning. That way it won't be too overwhelming for him. We can take Lacus to the mall then bring her back."

"Thank you."

"Do you guys need anything tonight?" She asked in a motherly way.

"No, I think we're ok for now. Um, Captain, do we know what the plan is next?"

"The Commander and I were just discussing it. We can talk to you about it tomorrow. I'm sure Athrun would be interested to know as well. Is that alright with you?"

She spoke as though Kira was Athrun's mother, and responsible for what he did and didn't do. While Kira like the respect, he wasn't sure he was ready to be Athrun's primary caregiver. He really hadn't thought about it that much.

"Kira?"

"Yeah, sorry. That's fine. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Have a good night. Call us if you need anything."

"Thanks. Good Night." He hung up the phone. "Thank you," he said to the nurse, who simply nodded. Then he took a drink from the fountain and headed back to Athrun's room.

"Um, sir," the nurse called, "will you and the young lady be staying the night again tonight?"

"Yes, we can't leave him here alone, he'll wake up and freak out," Kira replied honestly. What he wouldn't give for a good night sleep in a real bed though. He considered sending Lacus home and staying there himself, then swapping tomorrow night. No, for now, they would both stay.

"We can have a couple of small cots brought in for you if you'd like. That way you won't have to sleep in your chairs again?" She suggested.

"That would be great," Kira said, sounding slightly ecstatic at the idea of having almost a real bed to sleep on.

When Kira returned to Athrun's room, she found him asleep, or at least he thought so, and Lacus sitting in her chair with her eyes closed. He sat down beside her and put a hand on her shoulder. Her eyes fluttered open, and she gave him a weak, tired smile.

"They're going to bring up two cots for us to sleep in," he whispered. "Is Athrun asleep?"

"Yeah. You can tell by his breathing pattern," she yawned.

"I tried to talk to Cagalli again," he said, his tone giving away the rest of the story.

"Nothing?" Lacus asked.

"No. She doesn't want to be bothered. I told her that was her last chance, but she hung up," Kira said sadly. "I think she's made her decision."

"So how do we tell him?" Lacus asked.

"I'm not sure. We can't keep lying to him though. We'll wait until he asks again."

"Ok. What did the nurse want?"

"She wanted to know if he had any family, and if we had any plans for him once he's released."

"I thought that might be it."

"She asked if we wanted to make arrangements to have him put in a home," Kira said.

"And you said no, right?"

"Of course."

"But what are we going to do?"

"I don't know. But we'll figure something out."

"He's not any less of a person, we can just keep him with us. At the moment, we don't even know where were going."

"But what if the ship launches again?" Kira asked worriedly.

"Then we take him with us?" Lacus suggested, as though it was a no brainer.

"But we can't really have a handicapped person on board while were in battle."

"Don't call him that." She said strictly.

"I'm sorry. But it would be more dangerous than beneficial for him."

"I think he would want to help out. And I'm sure there are still plenty of ways he'd be able to."

"Anyway, the captain said she and the commander are going to come by tomorrow. We can discuss it with them then."

"Yeah, ok," Lacus agreed.

It wasn't long before the cots were brought up. Kira and Lacus set up on either side of his bed, so if he woke up in the night they would be there with him.

It wasn't long before Kira heard Lacus's breathing smoothen out, telling him she was asleep. But he lay awake for a long time, thinking about what had happened, and what was to come. But most of all, he thought about his best friend's life to come, and his sister.

* * *

**A/N: So I'm trying something new with perspectives here... rather than it completely being all over the place, it's shifting from one character to another in time intervals I guess. I think it's pretty subtle, but let me know what you thought. My other big story was written in first person POV so I'm trying to learn to write from third person perspective again. **

**Other than that, again, let me know what you thought. Also, what would you guys like to see happen in this? I have a general idea of where this story is going, but if it's to be come a major work, I'm going to need some input from you! That's right, YOU! **

**Anyway, let me know if you enjoyed it! And Thanks for reading :)**


	4. Chapter 4: Longing and Learning

Athrun awoke the next morning in his usual manner; panicking. It usually took him a minute or two to register what had happened and why he couldn't see. But today it seemed to come back to him quicker, and he didn't start yelling and lashing out. He remembered what happened and why the room remained black. This matter of fact didn't please him though, as the more it sunk in, the more it became reality.

He took a moment to calm himself down, and then listened carefully. He could hear an uneven breathing pattern which told him that at least one person was in the room with him. Upon closer observation, he could tell that there were two people. To his left, a slight feminine moan accompanied the breathing, which told him it was Lacus. This was likely the case so that she could hold his good hand if he woke up freaking out again. He concluded that the person to his left was Kira.

He felt good knowing that he deduced all of that on his own. But at the same time, something else hit him. Two people in the room, one of them being Lacus and the other being male, meant that there was still no sign of Cagalli.

He flexed his stomach to see what kind of pain would accompany any torso movement, but we pleasantly surprised when he felt no pain. He figured he must be loaded with pain killers. Using his left hand as leverage, he pulled himself into a half sitting position, and turned to feel behind him. Sure enough, his hand met the wall. He propped his pillow up against the wall and leaned back.

Once again, he had woken up to no Cagalli. Had she been there at all? He felt that if she had been there she would probably have brought him something or left a message with the others. Nope, he had an uncomfortable feeling that she had not been back. And it didn't take him long to deduce why.

He had been right. She had expected more when she had said she loved him. He had given her the wrong answer, and now she was angry with him.

He had hoped however, that in the present circumstance she would cut him some slack, but that didn't seem to be the case. She must be really angry with him. She must have made up her mind the minute he walked away from her.

Or so he thought.

Athrun wondered what time it was. He had no indication of whether or not it was light out. He remembered waking up in his own bedroom, and without opening his eyes, he could still see the bright light shining into his room. At the time, he hated it because he couldn't fall back asleep. Now he desperately missed it. He hated not knowing simple things like the time or who was in his room.

If the blindness was permanent, life was about to get a whole lot harder, he thought to himself.

Every day things would become a chore. He wouldn't simply be able to walk down the street like he used to be able to. Especially in the beginning, he was going to need help with everything. That brought him back to Cagalli. He hoped he could smooth things over with her soon, because he was going to need her help adjusting to his new life.

He wondered if he should wake Lacus or Kira up. But what if it was early in the morning? What if they'd just fallen asleep? He wondered if he should try to sleep some more. But he'd already slept so much. He just wanted to be up and out of the hospital; even if he couldn't do anything normal.

He lifted his right arm and began to examine it with his other hand. The cast ran from his elbow to his knuckles and up his thumb. This must mean it was somewhere near his wrist that was broken. He still couldn't feel any pain in the arm, but that was likely for the same reason he couldn't feel his ribs. He had broken this arm less than a year previously. Only that time he had woken up to find Cagalli looming over him. True, she may have had a gun and some serious pent up anger, but at least she was there. It was at that time that he had realized he had feelings for her. He could only wonder where she was now.

Athrun grew frustrated as his mind swarmed and Kira and Lacus showed no signs of waking up. He was bored and restless. He wanted to get out of bed. He wanted something to distract him from his thoughts. He wanted to know where he was, and to understand his surroundings. He felt so uncomfortable in this room. He wished he was in a place that was familiar to him, even if he couldn't see it, he was sure it would feel better than this. But then it hit him. There was no where that would be familiar to him aside from the ship. And it wasn't likely that he would be back on that ship anytime soon. He had been away from home for so long, and never in a constant setting. There was nowhere he could go to feel the comfort of home. He would have to rely on those around him to provide that comfort.

Finally, he heard a stir from his right.

Rather than chancing that she wasn't actually awake, he spoke. "Lacus?"

"Athrun?" She asked quietly, her voice sounding very tired. "You're awake. Are you ok?"

He could hear her shuffling around, assumingly sitting up.

"Yeah I'm ok."

"When did you wake up?" She asked, sounding a little scatterbrained.

"I have no idea," he replied truthfully. He had no idea how long he'd been awake. It couldn't have been that long.

'Right, sorry," she said.

"Do you know what time it is?" He asked her.

"Oh um ya, sorry its 8:30," she said.

"AM or PM?" He had completely lost track of time, and he had no way of knowing if it was light outside. He wasn't even sure if he had a window in his room.

"AM," she said.

He thought he heard a hint of annoyance in her voice. Was she mad that he was asking so many questions?

"Sorry. Thank you," he said instinctively.

"No, its fine," she said sincerely, "I forgot for a second that you… well you know."

"It's ok." He was a little hurt that she'd forgotten so easily, since he himself could never forget.

Clearly she noticed he was sulking. "You could have woken me up when you woke up," she offered.

"I didn't want to bother you; it could have been three in the morning for all I knew."

"But that's what I'm here for. Wake me up next time, ok?" She said.

"Ok. Is Kira still asleep?" He asked, surprised that he hadn't heard Kira's voice yet. They were after all, talking at a normal volume.

"Yeah, I think he had a hard time falling asleep. He was tossing and turning for a while," she said.

"I see. I'm sorry; you guys didn't have to stay with me."

"Nonsense. Don't worry about it. Anyway, how are you feeling? Are you in any pain? Are you hungry? Do you need anything?" She bombarded him with questions.

"I'm ok. But um, do you think you could do me a favor?" He asked nervously. He felt stupid asking this.

"Of course, what do you need?"

"Could you um, describe the room to me?" He thought he felt his cheeks blush a little.

She was silent for a moment, and Athrun could feel her staring at him. He could picture the look on her face in his mind. Her mouth would be open slightly, and she would have a sympathetic, but slightly sad look on her face. Like she was watching an injured puppy. He didn't want to be the injured puppy. He just wanted to be normal again.

"Of course," she finally said. "Well, the room is a square, and your bed is in the middle, obviously against the wall as I see you've noticed," she said. He turned slightly and touched the wall with his good hand. He could feel the smooth but slightly oily wall paper under his fingertips.

"What color are the walls?" He interrupted.

"They're white," she said.

"Sorry, go on."

"There are night tables on either side of your bed," she said as he tried to touch one of them as well. "I think they're made of wood. Light in color, and they have two drawers each. There's an IV stand just to your right. Maybe don't touch that, it doesn't look to sturdy. Kira and I have cots on either side of your bed. They're about half a meter from the walls, and about a third of a meter from your bed. Everything has white linen," she said. Athrun could hear the volume of her voice fluctuate as she looked around the room. "About a meter from the end of your bed is a counter with a sink just left of the center. It has a set of cabinets and three drawers on the right side of it."

"Is there a window?" He asked eagerly.

"Yes, to your right, just past Kira is a window. The blinds are closed. There is also a curtain that can go all the way around your bed. At the moment it's bunched up to the right. The door is in the left corner of the room."

As she grew quiet, Athrun pieced together everything in his mind. As he obtained a general idea of what the room looked like, he grew slightly more comfortable.

"Thank you."

That afternoon, Commander La Flaga picked Lacus up and took her the mall to seek out what Kira considered to be well needed provisions for the three of them. It took the two of them and Captain Ramius just over three hours to collect several sets of clothing for the three of them, any toiletries they might need, they even did what they could to find things that might make Athrun's life a little easier, at least for the time being. Since it was decided that they would be remaining in Orb for at least a short while, they purchased cell phones so they could keep in contact.

Lacus lead the Captain and Commander back to Athrun's room, feeling nervous and hoping that Kira had prepared Athrun at least a little bit for his guests. Lacus had told him herself that they were coming, but he didn't seem all that keen on the idea at first. Hopefully Kira had made him feel a little better about it.

"Make sure to announce yourself when you enter his room," She told them as they approached his room, "he gets nervous when he doesn't know who is present."

"Athrun, we're back," Lacus said in a sing-songish voice as they entered his room. "Commander La Flaga and Captain Ramius are with me," she informed him.

"Hi Athrun," Captain Ramius said. She sounded a little uncomfortable.

"Hi," Athrun said simply.

"Hey kiddo, how ya feelin?" Commander La Flaga asked, sitting down in one of four comfortable looking arm chairs that had replaced the two cots.

"I'm ok," Athrun said, turning his head in Commander La Flaga's direction.

"You know, I think you're the best at getting injured out of ALL of us," the commander laughed.

"Heh, yeah," Athrun said, as though forcing a small laugh.

"Everyone's been so worried about you," Captain Ramius said, causing Athrun to turn slightly to his right.

"Can you tell them I'm doing alright?" Athrun asked.

"Of course."

Lacus smiled to herself. Their crew had only known both she and Athrun for a short amount of time, yet they treated him like family – something neither she nor he had.

"So Captain Ramius," Lacus said in attempt to draw the attention away from Athrun as he looked uncomfortable, "do we know what our plan is next? We haven't heard any news."

"Ah yes, well the Commander and I have been talking, but we'd like your input as well. Although the fighting hasn't stopped, it has died down slightly. Unfortunately it's because the Earth Forces were heavily damaged during that last attack, but regardless, things are indeed slowing down. Since we are a renegade ship, we're by no means obligated to get back on the battlefield anytime soon. We thought that since our fighting strength for the time being is limited, and Orb has welcomed us with open arms, that we'd best stay away from battle for a while. We've talked to several members of the crew, and since most of them have family here after the destruction of Heliopolis, and they've agreed to remain members of our crew if we should need to launch, for now, they're free to do what they like."

Lacus looked at Kira who displayed a surprised yet not horrified expression.

"What about the ship? And the mobile suits?" Kira asked.

"Orb has agreed to keep them hidden away from their military facilities. We would be the only ones to have access to it."

Lacus was now looking at Athrun, trying to read his facial expression. How did he feel about this? Ever since the accident he had become quiet and shy, which was understandable, but it was difficult not knowing what he was thinking.

She had known him for years, and she felt that she always understood him, but right now, she felt terrible, because in her mind, as long as she couldn't read him, he was alone.

"So then what about those members of the crew with no family in Orb?" Kira asked on behalf of Lacus and Athrun.

"We've made contact with Reverend Malchio who is currently residing on earth. He owns a house in Orb that he has offered as residence for those of us with nowhere else. The other option we have is to invest in a couple of condos. Right now the Orb government is paying for us to remain in hotels, but we'll make our final decision in the next couple of days. I suggest that you three give it some thought," Captain Ramius explained. "The nurses keep asking me what our plans are for Athrun once he leaves the hospital, but I'm continuously telling them not to worry about it, am I right?"

"That's what I told them too," Kira said.

"Of course they need not worry about it," Lacus said in an confident tone. She glanced at Athrun, but he said nothing.

"Anyway, that's all we wished to discuss with you guys tonight, do you guys need anything else?"

"Do either of you want to come back to the hotel and sleep in a real bed tonight?" Commander La Flaga asked Kira and Lacus.

"No," Kira and Lacus said simultaneously.

"We're fine, thanks," Lacus finished.

"I have one request," Kira said, "how about some real food?"

"I'll grab you guys a pizza, as long as I can sneak it past the nurses," Commander La Flaga said.

"Have a good night you three, we'll be in contact in the morning," said Captain Ramius. "Call us if you need anything."

"Thank you," Lacus said.

"Yeah, Thanks," Athrun said as well.

"Thanks! And Mu, about that Pizza!" Kira requested.

Lacus watched Mu wink behind the captain's back before the door was closed.

"So Lacus, what'd you buy us?" Kira asked excitedly.

"Oh, well I got these flowers for Athrun, I thought they smelled nice," Lacus said, taking Athrun's hand and placing the bouquet of flowers in them. "They're all different kinds and colors, if you're wondering Athrun."

"Thanks," he said, almost uneasily.

"Here Kira, this bag is your clothing," she said, handing him a large paper shopping bag.

"Great, thanks!" Kira said, rooting through the bag.

"Athrun, this is yours," she said, placing a bag on his bed and taking the flowers out of his hand. "I'll put these in a jar." She took the flowers over to the sink and unwrapped them. Finding what she figured was a clean jar, she filled it with water and placed the flowers in it.

"You got me briefs? I wear boxers!" Kira protested.

Lacus giggled to herself. "Sorry," she laughed.

"You did that on purpose!"

She didn't reply, but continued to giggle.

She walked around Athrun's bed and put the flowers on the night table.

"Thanks Lacus, they smell great." Athrun said.

She helped him dig through his bag of clothing, showing him what each item was and telling him what colors they were. Kira pointed out several times that he liked Athrun's clothing better, but she insisted that he could pick his own stuff out in a few days.

"Athrun, this bag is also for you," Lacus said, picking up another large, heavier shopping bag.

"How come he gets more stuff that I do?" Kira whined.

Lacus ignored him.

"Ok, well we each get a cell phone," she said, pulling three cell phone boxes out of the bag. "This one is programmable so that it speaks for every key you enter. That one's for you, Athrun," she said, putting the box beside him. "Kira, these are ours." She held up the other two boxes. One was pink and one was blue.

"Do I get the pink one?" Kira joked.

"No," she said simply. "They're each programmed with the other phone numbers from our crew, and they're pretty well ready to go.

"Athrun, I also found an alarm clock with a button that _says_ the time if you press it." She took the box and placed it next to the phone. He seemed grateful enough, but he didn't seem happy. Lacus understood though, as she felt it as well. It was as though in receiving all this new stuff, his fate was sealed, that he would definitely not be getting his sight back.

She chose not to expose the new sunglasses, the brail book and the new computer she had bought him.

"So what do you guys think about the plan to stay here?" Kira asked seriously.

"Well, we can't really return to the plants after turning against them," Lacus said.

"Yeah, what do you think, Athrun?" Kira asked.

"I think… the last thing I want to do is be a burden to you guys."

Lacus and Kira exchanged glances. They both knew this was coming.

"I think I speak for both of us when I say that that's the last thing on either of our minds, Athrun," Lacus said.

"That's what friends are for, we're here for each other during times of need," Kira said.

"We want to help you, Athrun. The worst thing that could befall me would be knowing that I couldn't help my friends," said Lacus.

"Thank you guys," Athrun said rather quietly. Lacus wondered if he would be crying if he could.

"I think we should take up Reverend Malchio on his offer. Kira, do you plan to live with your family?" Lacus asked.

"I don't think so. They're too used to not having kids anymore. I'll visit, but I'd rather stay with you guys," Kira said.

"Ok, and then anyone else who wants to can stay with us as well," Lacus said happily. "Is that alright with you, Athrun?"

"Are you sure it's alright? Do you guys really want to take on the job of babysitting me?"

"Oh shut up, of course we do!" Kira said loudly.

"I still think Kira will require more babysitting than you, Athrun," Lacus laughed.

"Yeah, probably," Kira said honestly, with a bit of a laugh.

Athrun too, genuinely smiled.

* * *

**A/N: Ahh I'm sorry this took me so long! I was busy vacationing in the Dominican Republic! And I did far more reading than writing while down there. Anyway, schools about to start, meaning I'll have plenty of time to be preoccupied from school and I should get lots of writing done. I had a new story idea hit me over the head the other day, so if you enjoy angsty Athrun stories, keep your eyes peeled. That said, I will definitely continue to work on this one AND Equilibrium. **

**I would like to thank those of you who reviewed and offered their input, and it has definitely been taking to heart. The offer still stands, and I would LOVE to hear from more of you about your thoughts for the story. Meaning ideas are greatly welcomed, or even just a short comment. **

**At this time, I would also like to direct your attention to my profile page. I have added a poll, and for all you readers and especially writers out there, I need your opinion! So please check it out. **

**Thanks so much for reading! And I look forward to hearing from you. I have started the next chapter, and I've got most of it planned out. More reviews = shorter wait! **


	5. Chapter 5:Hope

**I'm still alive! I'm sorry this took so long! **

**Please enjoy!**

* * *

It had now been a week since they arrived at the Orb hospital, and Athrun was becoming more and more discouraged with each day he was left in the dark. He had never enjoyed the dark, in fact, up until seven days ago h always slept with some kind of light on. But now, it wasn't so much that he was afraid of the dark, he was simply afraid that he would be confined to it for the rest of his life.

That morning, Athrun had tried for the first time to feed himself without assistance. He had only started eating solid food in the last two days, but it was proving to be much more difficult that he ever imagined. His hand eye coordination was good, even with his left hand, but it was more of a matter of finding the food than finding his mouth. After half of his cereal was in his lap, he dejectedly admitted defeat and allowed Lacus to help him.

"The nurse said there is an ophthalmologist and a psychologist coming to visit you today. That will be a step in the right direction," Lacus said to him, filling his spoon with cereal and putting it back into his hand.

"Great," he said sarcastically, "things just keep getting better, don't they…" He hated the idea of having to see a psychologist. Just because his eyes were ruined didn't mean that he needed psychiatric help. It made him feel like a mental patient.

"Well, ophthalmologists are the top eye doctors, so if anyone can help it'll be him. He'll probably be able to give you a better idea of whether or not you'll get your vision back too…" Lacus trailed off.

To be perfectly honest, Athrun wasn't really sure he wanted an answer to that question. As long as the bandages remained over his eyes, he didn't fully have to face that fact that his vision might be gone forever. The idea in and of itself was horrifying to him.

"I'm done eating," Athrun said, losing his appetite more out of discouragement than anything else. "Where did Kira go?"

"He went back to the hotel to take a shower. When he gets back I'm going to get some breakfast," Lacus said.

"You should go, you don't need to wait for him to get back," Athrun replied quickly.

"What? No, its alright. I don't want to leave you alo – "

"Its alright," Athrun cut her off. "If you don't mind, I would like to be alone for a little while."

"Are you sure?" Lacus said with extreme concern in her words. He had not been alone for more than a couple of minutes while he had been there.

"Yes. I'm fine," He said.

"You know how to operate the phone, right? No one will enter the room without calling in first, alright?" She said.

"Yes, thank you Lacus. I'll see you in a bit."

The nurses had put a phone beside his bed so that anyone entering the room could call in first, as it seemed to scare him the most when someone would come in unannounced.

"Here's your cell phone," she said, putting it in his good hand, "call me if you need anything, ok?"

"Thank you," he said.

She got up and left the room. "See you soon," she said.

"Bye."

It was still nerve wracking, but right now it felt good to be alone with his thoughts. The whole scenario continued to upset him, but he was beginning to come to terms with the reality of the situation, and while it was still depressing, it was slightly less heart breaking now.

In the last couple of days, Athrun had been taken off the pain killers he was on in order for the doctors to solely focus on his eyes, and so that when the ophthalmologist did visit, his system would be fairly clear for further treatment. As a result of this, the pain in his ribs, arm and head had increased and made him irritable. It was not to say that he did not appreciate everything Kira and Lacus were doing for him, but it was the same for any group of people shut up in a small room; he needed some space.

To make matters worse, he still had not seen Cagalli since he had awoken. Kira and Lacus kept insisting that she was busy with her work, and that there was much unrest in the world of politics right now, but Athrun knew better. He knew he had come up with the wrong answer when she had said she loved him. He wondered how long she would shut him out. He wanted another chance to speak to her, but Kira kept recommending that he let her cool down and come to him rather than calling her himself. If he could go back in time however, he wasn't sure what he would do differently. He couldn't say he loved her if he wasn't 100% sure he truly meant it as that would just be wrong. He would need to explain himself better to her. All he could do now was give her space and hope she would return to him soon. He wondered if she knew of his current situation. He liked to think that she didn't, as he hoped that if she knew, she would at least make contact with him. But at the same time, that thought itself made him feel selfish. She was busy with her work, and just because his world was falling apart, didn't mean that hers was too. He knew that it wasn't all about him. He just wanted to see her.

'RRRRIIIIIIINNNNGGGG'

Athrun scrambled with his good hand, attempting to find the phone beside him.

"Hello," he said into the receiver, only now realizing that his voice was cracking slightly. He knew he had been close to tears – not that he could cry any right now anyway, as he'd realized many times in the last week.

"Mr. Zala, Dr. Cameron the ophthalmologist is here to see you. May I send her in?" A nurse said.

"Um, yes. Thank you," he said in the most professional tone he could force.

The door opened and a woman spoke. "Hello Mr. Zala. I'm Dr. Cameron. That's quite the system they have going for you there."

He could hear the smile in her gentle feminine tone.

"Uhhh thank you, it was my friend's idea. And Athrun is fine."

"Alright Athrun, I need to take you down to a dark room, is that alright?" She asked kindly, as if he had a choice.

"Yes," he said.

"I'll get a wheelchair," Said another voice, presumably a nurse.

"No, that's fine. He can walk," Dr. Cameron said.

Athrun was grateful. He was tired of being taken everywhere by wheelchair; it made him feel useless. He wanted to feel like he could at least walk on his own.

"That is, assuming you feel alright enough to walk?" She asked.

"Yes, I'm fine."

"Alright then. If you stand up, your slippers are just to your right," she instructed as he stood up, allowing him to find the footwear on his own. "When you're ready, you can take my arm and we'll head down there," she said.

Athrun reached out with his good hand and she quickly linked her right arm with his left and led him out of the room. It was the first time he had stood on his own outside of the room. Despite the nurse's protests, he had got up a few times just to stretch out his legs in the room, but he hadn't been able to leave.

He was led into another room that became very quiet once the door was closed. He heard a switch which he assumed to be either the light being turned on or off.

"Alright so the light is off," she said, answering his question, "I'm going to remove the bandages and have a look at your eyes under a few different lights. I'm also going to inject a fluorescently labeled dye into your eye so I can get a better understanding of what's going on in there," she said. "Don't be surprised if you don't see anything while I'm doing this." She unraveled the bandages.

"I'll need you to open your eyes if you can. Most of the external burns around them have healed, so you should have no problem."

Athrun then opened his eyelids for the first time in a week. The cold air burned his eyes, but he forced them open.

"The room is completely dark, so you wouldn't see anything anyway," she said. "I just need you to lay back and I'll open them as I need to. Don't worry about forcing them open.

He was rather disappointed when he didn't see any hint of light while she was working. He was also terrified of the idea of a needle injecting dye into his eye, but after having a numbing ointment rubbed on his eyes, he didn't feel a thing. The hardest part was keeping his eyes open due to the burning feeling.

Before he knew it, the procedure was complete and she was helping him sit up.

"Alright, that's all I need. I have a couple more things to look over before I can give you a complete set of results, so once I'm finished I'll pass them onto your psychologists, as I'm not allowed to deliver results directly to anyone under the age of eighteen."

"Ok," he said simply.

"I'm going to reapply the bandages, but you really only need to keep them on another day or two. Once they come off you will probably feel pain in bright rooms regardless of whether or not you can see, and it's very important that you do not expose them to UV light. So when you're outside, you'll need a pair of powerful sunglasses."

"Ok, thank you," he said, not knowing what else to say.

She helped him back to his room and left him alone.

He sighed to himself, he was quite certain he knew the outcome. Since when could doctors not tell their patients the results? He was convinced she just wouldn't tell him because the psychologist would be able to deal with him better if he had a melt down upon hearing the news. He was tired of being treated like he would crumble at any minute – both physically and mentally. More than anything, he just wanted things to go back to normal.

But before he knew it, his phone was ringing again.

With less difficulty this time, he found the phone and answered it. "Hello," he said in an apathetic tone.

"Mr. Zala, Dr. Bornstein is here to see you," the nurse said. He assumed it was his psychologist.

"Ok," he said.

He sat back against the wall as he heard the door open.

"Hi Mr. Zala," the woman said. He immediately recognized the youthfulness in her tone, not to mention the kindness beyond what he had heard in the last doctor's voice.

"Hi," he said hesitantly. It wasn't that she was intimidating, he was just unsure of how to act.

"I've been told you had a pretty nasty accident last week," she said.

"Uh, apparently," he said. Truthfully he didn't remember it very well himself. Bits and pieces had come back to him, but he couldn't recall the majority of it.

"Well, we aren't going to do too much today, so you'll get a chance to rest soon. I'd just like to get aquainted and maybe trace out what we're going to be working on over the next little while. I guess to start off, you'd probably like to know your results from your eye examination," she said.

"I guess so," he said. She definitely wasn't beating around the bush like the rest of the doctors. On the other hand, it was kind of nice that she wasn't treating him like he was going to break at any second. He did however, hold his breath as he heard her flipping through papers.

"Well, things don't look very good in terms of your eyes sight. You suffered some pretty severe grade 4 alkali burns which have destroyed your corneas. You're also suffering from what we call retinal detachment, which is generally what leads to permanent blindness. You have also begun to develop secondary glaucoma, which is essentially nerve damage," she said.

He felt his heart sink. That was it. It was over. He had assumed it all along, but it hit him much harder than he had expected. His chest hurt and he wanted to cry – thankfully though, he couldn't. He felt like his life was ending.

* * *

Kira and Lacus sat outside Athrun's room as the nurse had instructed them.

"You may be interested to know," said the nurse, "that the news he's receiving right now is that of the worst. The ophthalmologist confirmed it earlier today. His vision isn't repairable."

The pair looked at each other with horror in their eyes. Lacus stood up and peeked through the blinds on the door. Athrun sat in his bed, his head heavy as he cradled his bad arm in his left. Although she could only see part of his face, he looked completely distraught. The last time she had seen him look this upset was when his father shot him.

"Hope is a powerful emotion," the nurse continued, "and a terrible thing to lose."

"Can we go in there?" Kira asked.

"Not yet. Let the psychologist finish," she advised.

"He's going to be crushed," Lacus said.

"I know," said Kira.

* * *

Back in Athrun's room, Dr. Bornstein had given him a few minutes to recollect himself before continuing.

"I have a glass of water here for you," she said, placing the cup in his hand.

"Thank you," he said, attempting to regain control of himself. He told himself that he could fall apart later. Right now he needed to get through this appointment.

"I know this is going to be difficult for you to believe at this point, but in a year from now, I promise you that things will feel completely normal again. Never underestimate the ability of people to adjust," she said. "You would be surprised just how normal a life the visually impaired can live. But I can tell you now, the most important part of this ordeal will be your support system."

The first person Athrun thought of was Cagalli. He still wasn't completely sure what was going on with her, but he knew he needed her. It was nice to know that no matter what however, Lacus and Kira would always be there – and they wouldn't let him forget it.

"The other crucial part which will probably be the hardest is acceptance. The sooner you can accept your situation, the sooner you can work to overcome it up."

"I understand," Athrun said, mind still elsewhere.

"So I have been told that you will be moving in with some of your friends and comrades, correct?"

"I think so," he said, forcing himself back to reality.

"Alright, well I know that the news is fresh on your mind, but I would like to meet with you one more time before you leave the hospital, I think tomorrow if it's alright with the nurses."

"Ok," said Athrun, as though he had a choice.

"For now I think I'll leave you with your friends, as I can see them anxiously peeking through the blinds."

Athrun could hear her smile in her voice.

"You seem to have some good friends," She said.

"Yes, the best," Athrun said, almost smiling. He needed to hear that, as it was truly a positive amongst all the negativity.

"It was nice meeting you, Mr. Zala, I'll see you tomorrow," she said.

"Thank you."

* * *

**Thank you for being so patient with this story. I was pretty focused on completing my other story, Equilibrium. I am working on the sequel for that one, but I have a little more drive to work on A World of Darkness as well. I kind of hit a wall with this story up until now, but I think I have an idea of where its going now. **

**Let me know what you thought! As I've said before, reviews motivate me! Tell me what you would like to see happen! I'd love to hear your ideas and opinions. **

**Thank you for reading!**

**and Thank you for all your reviews! **

**PS. IgNighted, enable personal messages so I can reply to you! **


	6. Chapter 6: His Darkness

**A/N: Well.. its been a while hasn't it? Well I'm back! It's been so long since I worked on this story... I'm hoping it doesn't show too badly. Anyway, enjoyyy!**

* * *

The next day Lacus found herself alone at what would be their new residence. The beach house reverend Malchio had kindly left them was furnished, but it was evident that no one had ever lived in it. It lacked everything that would make a house feel like a home. That morning she, Commander La Flaga and Captain Ramius had spent several hours frantically shopping for everything they might need. They had dropped her off at the house with the purchases and gone back out for more. She had just finished unwrapping all the dishes and putting them all away. Once finished she took the next few bags up to the bedroom that would belong to Kira and Athrun. They had moved a second single bed into the large bedroom that could almost be considered a second master bedroom as it had its own balcony and bathroom. She took the sheets out of the packaging and began making the beds when she decided it would be best to wash the sheets first. She left the room and headed for the laundry room. After loaded the sheets into the washer, she leaned against the wall and wiped her forehead. It had already been a long day.

Then a thought hit her. This place would be brand new to Athrun, and without his vision, would he be able to navigate it and find things? Had she set the kitchen up alright so it wouldn't be too difficult for him? She hesitated for a second, but then hurried back down to the kitchen.

She then pulled out a handkerchief from her pocket and tied it around her eyes, effectively blindfolding herself. She started feeling her way around the kitchen in attempt to find things. She decided quickly that the stove could be an obstacle and that she would need to do something about it.

She couldn't imagine being like this permanently. She sent herself on a mission to pour a glass of water, and found it extremely difficult and managed to soak her entire sleeve.

"Lacus?" Kira's voice came.

She felt her cheeks grow red and she put the glass down in the sink. She quickly undid the blindfold and stared timidly at him.

"I can't imagine it either," Kira finally said, pulling her into his arms.

Lacus sobbed into his chest. It was just too horrible.

"Wait, what are you doing here?" She asked. He was supposed to be with Athrun at the hospital.

"He's with his therapist so I thought I'd come help you. Rumor has it they're letting him out tonight."

"Oh dear I have so much to do before then," she said in an exasperated tone. "The captain and the commander just went out to get curtains, but I'm not sure they'll find any today as the windows are such obscure sizes."

"I wouldn't worry about the curtains…" Kira trailed off, implying what they both already knew too well. Curtains wouldn't make a difference for Athrun.

Lacus sobbed again.

"Calm down, ok? You know he's not expecting anything."

"I know, I just want to make it easier for him..."

"Can I see what you've done so far?" Kira asked.

"Ok," she said, "do you want to see the room that you and Athrun will be sharing?" She knew he had only changed the subject so to take her mind off things, but she welcomed it gratefully.

"Sure," he smiled.

She led him upstairs and down to the end of the hall. Their room was a couple of steps down from the main second level.

"I'm worried about those steps," she explained.

"It's fine. Once he knows they're there he won't have a problem," Kira assured her.

"Do you think he'll be ok with sharing a room with you?" She asked.

"Well, considering this place was basically given to us, I don't think it's his place to complain at all; not that he would anyway. I'm sure he'd rather have his own space so he can mope and sulk for the first little while, but its better this way…" Kira said.

"Oh he must be so upset," Lacus said, her voice cracking again.

"There's no use crying over it, Lacus. There's nothing we can do now but try to help him. And you can't act upset about it around him, ok? We just have to treat him like we normally would."

"I know," she said. "I'm just trying to get it all out of my system before he gets here."

"Probably the best idea," he said, hugging her once more.

"I'm sorry," Lacus said, wiping her eyes. "I'm ok, have a look around," she sobbed.

Kira looked into her eyes and gently brushed the tears from under her right eye with his thumb. She forced a smile for him, and promptly received one in return before he got up and headed for the balcony. She sat on the bed while Kira explored the room, the balcony and the bathroom.

"This looks perfect, Lacus!"

"I'm glad you like it," she smiled, pulling her knees up to her chest. She still wasn't certain. She wished more than anything that Athrun could have returned home. But with his mother and father gone, there was no way it could happen. Besides, she wanted to know he was in good hands, and as far as she was concerned, there was no better place than with herself and the others.

"Show me the rest of the house?" Kira asked

"Sure," she said.

* * *

That evening, Athrun sat next to Lacus in the backseat of the van as Commander La Flaga drove the two of them to what would be there new home for the time being. Athrun was beyond nervous. Lacus held his hand tightly in her own as he pressed his forehead against the cool glass of the window. It soothed his aching head, but did not quiet the rampant thoughts storming through his mind. He was terrified of entering a new environment, and from what Lacus had told him, it was a very large one. The larger it was, the more potential there was for accidents. He was excited at the idea of getting out of the hospital, and he'd felt his spirits soar when he'd stepped foot out of the front door, but now that they were getting close to their destination, he could feed his heart racing. He wished he could return to his real home, but he'd known from the time he left it that it was completely out of the question. He wondered what had happened to the house after his father died. He wished his mother was still around. He pressed his head harder against the window and willed himself not to think of his mother. He couldn't handle it right now. What he wanted more than anything right now however was to see Cagalli. He knew there was drama between them, but having left the hospital, he now had a fleeting hope that she would come by to visit. He'd been distracting himself from his physical situation by trying to decide what he would say to her.

"Athrun, we're almost there," Lacus said, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

He felt his pulse quicken, and he wondered if Lacus could feel it in his hand.

As promised, the vehicle rolled to a stop a couple of minutes later.

"Ready?" Lacus asked, squeezing his hand.

He heard the two front doors open and then close. "As I'll ever be," Athrun replied, hearing the hesitation in his own voice. He managed to find his seat belt buckle on his own and unclipped it. The door beside Lacus opened, and she let go of his hand, presumably to climb out. Seconds later, his own door opened.

"This is your stop, kiddo," Commander La Flaga said.

Athrun carefully felt the edge of the van with his foot, and slid his body forward off the seat. His ribs still ached, and his right arm was held in a sling to keep it safe and to take some of the strain off of his shoulder. Nevertheless, he moved forward and Lacus took his good hand, helping him out of the car. He was still slightly unbalanced, likely due to a combination of the medications and his lack of sight. He quickly noticed that it had begun to rain.

"Welcome home!" Kira's voice called.

Lacus lead him towards the house and whispered to watch his step as he walked in the front door. While the air outside was extremely refreshing, the warmth inside the house was quite welcoming. It smelled of sweet cedar and pine, which made Athrun suspect the house was made of wood. He kicked off his shoes and slid them gently to his right.

"You can leave your shoes there, Athrun," Kira said. "Miss Murrue and Mr. Waltfeld are making dinner, are you guys hungry?"

Athrun realized that he was hungry. Maybe it was the promise of non-hospital food for a change, or maybe it was simply the fact that he was out of there. Either way, he felt his stomach rumbling.

"I am," he said.

"Me too," Lacus said, not letting go of Athrun's arm.

"I'll let you three get settled in," Commander La Flaga said, apparently taking his leave.

"Are you up for a small tour? Or would you like to wait until after dinner?" Lacus asked Athrun.

"I guess so," he replied.

"Alright, we'll you're in the front entrance right now. To your immediate right is a bathroom, then a little further ahead and to your right is the kitchen, which is attached to the dining room. If you were to walk straight, you would come to the living room, and to the immediate left is the garage. There is a bedroom to your left as well. Also to your right, just past the bathroom is the stairs. There are five bedrooms and three bathrooms upstairs. How about we start downstairs, then after dinner we can head upstairs?" She asked.

"Um, sure," Athrun said, feeling a little overwhelmed. He had already forgotten where the kitchen was. He felt a little discouraged as they led him to each room on the lower level, and he tried to get a feeling for each one and make a mental picture, but he found the map in his mind deteriorating with each new room. He couldn't get a feel for anything. He was disappointed with himself. He knew it was going to take some time, but his counselor had promised that in time things would feel normal. Normal seemed like a lifetime away at this point. He wished he could be with Cagalli. He wanted to talk to her and hug her. He wanted her to show him around the house and hold his hand. He contemplated asking about her, but was interrupted.

"Hey you three! Dinner!" Commander La Flaga called.

While he was looking forward to eating real food, he was nervous for dinner. Things were bad enough not being able to see, but he only had the use of his left hand, and he knew he was going to make a fool of himself in front of everyone. Everyone was about to see just how weak Athrun Zala really was.

He felt like he'd been reduced to a child. In fact, it was beyond that. He was completely helpless, unable to cope on his own and forced to completely rely on others.

Among other things, he felt his appetite slipping away.

* * *

Athrun managed to get through dinner, though he did not eat much. He suspected that either Kira or Lacus had suggested burgers since they would be easier for him to eat. Even so, he barely managed to get through half of one. He felt discouraged, and that generally led to a loss of appetite. The meal was awkward. He could tell everyone was watching and worrying about him, but after asking once or twice if he was ok and whether or not he needed help, they kept their feelings to themselves. The conversation was strained, and the constant feeling of being watched did not leave him throughout the duration of the meal. He was grateful when Lacus took his arm once again and led him upstairs.

"So this is the room you'll be sharing with Kira," she said. Athrun could tell she had turned to look at Kira as she said this, as her voice oscillated slightly. He was getting better at picking up on these verbal cues. He just wanted things to go back to normal. Everyone was doing their best to act that way, but for the most part, they were failing. He wanted nothing more right now than to be alone. He was out of the hospital, in his new home, and now he wanted some space. His head was aching more furiously than ever, and his neck was getting sore from bearing the weight of his arm all evening. Nevertheless, he stood patiently and allowed Lacus to show him around the room from the bed to the closet to the balcony to the bathroom. He even let her lead him around the bathroom. He knew he would be more grateful for that aspect later, but right now he found it difficult.

"Kira!" Captain Ramius called from downstairs. "The last two beds just arrived, would you mind coming to help?"

"Sure thing," Kira called back.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Lacus asked him.

Athrun desperately hoped Kira would say yes. Kira was silent for a moment; Athrun was sure he was trying to read him.

"If Athrun doesn't mind," Kira finally said.

"No, go help. I'll be fine," He insisted, probably a little too quickly.

"Are you sure?" She asked, still holding his arm.

"Come on, Lacus," Kira said, pulling her out of the room.

Athrun was extremely grateful. He knew Kira had only insisted she go because he could tell that he wanted to be alone.

He was left sitting on his bed, but this time he'd managed to make a picture in his mind of the room he was in. Their beds were at opposite ends of the room; his own was directly between the door, the bathroom, and the balcony. This was likely to make things more accessible to him.

His ribs protested greatly as he stood up, but he felt his way to the end of the bed, then put his good arm straight out in front of him and moved forward until he found the window of the sliding glass door. He was much more accepting of the fact that he may make mistakes so long as no one was around to see it. He moved along the window until he found the handle, which he managed to unlock. He pulled open the door and carefully stepped outside. He closed the door behind him, leaving it open only a crack so that Lacus wouldn't panic when she came upstairs. The fresh air felt amazing, and he could hear both the rain and the crashing waves that he'd apparently missed before. They sounded as though they were at some distance from him. He concluded that the balcony was covered, since he could hear the rain but not feel it. Adventurously, he felt his way around the railing until his leg made contact with something hard. Cursing in pain, he leaned forward to feel the object. He concluded that it was a chair, and he carefully sat down in it.

Despite the pain in his leg, he was quite happy that he'd found a spot to sit on his own. It was cold outside, and he hugged himself with his left arm, pulling his legs in for warmth. He took in deep breaths of air, which aggravated his ribs, but it was calming. He wanted to sit here alone for hours. It wasn't as though he didn't appreciate everything everyone, especially Lacus, was doing for him, but the more they did, the more useless he felt. The worst part was feeling useless in front of everyone else. Lacus and Kira he could live with, but he hated the idea of failing in front of the others. So far he liked this house, but he wished he could have been with Cagalli. If he would have gone with her, they could have been alone together. He wanted to curl up on the couch with her. He wanted to hold her and to be held by her in return. She wasn't the type to baby him because he was injured. He recalled what had happened after he and Kira had fought each other, and he'd been found by Orb. He had woken up in sickbay, and a distraught Cagalli had pointed a gun at him and man handled him, throwing him down into the mattress despite his injuries. They had cried together over Kira, but in the end she comforted him, and he had comforted her. He missed that.

He heard the sliding glass door open, and frowned as he realized his peace and quiet was about to be disrupted.

"Here you are," Kira's voice came from his right. "I see you found the patio furniture that Lacus was so insistent on buying you."

"Where is she?" Athrun asked, feeling guilty that he did not want her around.

"She's downstairs helping make the beds. I told her I wanted to talk to you alone."

"Oh, well shoot then," Athrun said, wondering what was on Kira's mind.

"I don't actually have anything to talk to you about, you just seemed a bit overwhelmed."

"Yeah…"

"I can leave you alone if you like?" Kira asked.

He had desperately wanted to be alone moments ago, but now he wasn't so sure. "No, stay. If you want I mean."

"Sure," Kira said casually. Athrun heard what sounded like another chair scrape against the ground, and he assumed Kira had taken a seat beside him.

A thought struck him. "Kira, are you ok with not fighting?" He asked impulsively.

"What?" Kira replied, clearly caught off guard.

Athrun could see Kira's face in his mind. His expressions were so genuine. He wished he could see it.

"I know how badly you wanted the fighting to end. Are you ok being here?"

He wondered if Kira had got the hint. Athrun felt bad at the idea of taking Kira away from what he was passionate about. Not the fighting itself, but its purpose.

"Kira?" He wished more than anything that he could see his friend's face. Kira was so easy to read.

"Sorry. Just thinking. I started fighting because I wanted to protect my friends. My friends are what are most important to me in this world. Everyone I fought for, with the exception of Tolle and Flay, are safe now."

"I'm sorry about your friend, Tolle." Athrun said quietly. He knew he'd been the one who took Tolle's life.

"Don't be. You never meant it personally. You were just doing your job. But what I'm saying is that I accomplished what I initially set out to do… for the most part anyway. And you're no different than any other friend. I'm glad we can talk like this again. I don't want this to end."

"I am too. But are you sure you're ok sitting here not doing anything?"

"I may get a bit restless, but right now my place is here with you and Lacus. I have no idea what the future holds. All we can do is live in the moment, right? And this is where I want to be. I heard Mr. Waltfeld and Miss Murrue talking earlier though. Apparently the two sides might be getting closer to a ceasefire."

"I guess now that my father is gone, they should be," Athrun said quietly.

They were silent. Athrun felt like Kira was fighting the urge to ask him about his father, but apparently decided not to.

"It's really raining…"

"Just promise me something, ok Kira?" Athrun said, ignoring Kira's comment about the weather, "Don't let me hold you back."

Athrun could feel his friend's eyes on him. "I promise. But I'm not sure I have any desire to go back out there. It just seems so pointless, all this fighting. So many deaths, and for what?"

"Hmmm, yeah." Athrun thought of everyone who had died. His mother, Rusty, Miguel, Nicol, his father, and so many more. Kira was right. What did they die for?

"Do you want to go inside? It's cold out here," Kira suggested.

"I guess so. What time is it?"

"I'm not sure. Probably close to 9:00. One more thing, Athrun. I know you're probably sick of hearing it, but are you ok?"

"I will be," he said honestly.

Athrun lay awake after they'd gone to bed, pondering his conversation with Kira. It meant a lot to him, being able to talk to Kira like that. Kira treated him as he always had. He appreciated everything Lacus and the others had done and were still doing, but he didn't want to feel broken anymore. He was so grateful for Kira. It was so hard to believe that he had tried to kill him. He had tried with everything he had. And what for? Why? His head felt so clear now. Why hadn't he realized it before? Kira was right; the fighting was so pointless.

But he reminded himself that Kira was still alive, and remained to be his best friend.

"_I will be."_

His own words echoed in his mind as he listened to the wonderful, soothing sound of the rain on the roof. It was true. In time, he would be ok.

* * *

**So, I'll be completely honest and admit that I'm not 100% sure where this story is going. I have ideas swimming around in my mind, but in all honesty, my other story is taking priority these days. It's been almost two years since I wrote anything, and I'm really just trying to get back into writing. If you enjoy this story, chance are you'd like Equilibrium. It's heavier and much deeper, but its still angsty Athrun. I'm currently working on the sequel to that, Disequilibrium. I think I'll keep working on this one if I can though, since it pushes me in the right direction towards my other story as well. **

**Anyway, let me know what you thought! As always, I would love to hear your commets, reviews and ideas! Encourage me to keep this one going ;)**

**Thank you for reading!**


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